The me in the past

Let’s move to way before I signed up for matriculation

I always prayed;

“Ya Allah, tetapkanlah hatiku ke institusi yang baik untukku, keluargaku, dan agamaku”

Or so.

And here I am,in Selangor Matriculation College.

Okay, let’s fast forward a bit to sem 1.

SEMESTER I

This is when I get to know a lot of people,ofc.

And the time when I was a very friendly to whoever I knew.

There’s a guy in our class. Let’s name him M.

M was in our class for like umm, two weeks(?) because he changed module; from module 1 to module 2. ((more to from Science to Physical Science))

After a month or so, I met him in the hallway and I shouted his name. (That’s so me)

He didn’t remember me back then and that night, he texted me and said he was sorry for forgetting my name. And since then, we texted.

Few weeks passed by, and I started to sense that he liked me (I won’t tell how bcs it would take long)) and I started to stop texting him. ( I’m the type that’s so afraid if I’d ever enter into a relationship might be because I’m afraid of hurting myself. I don’t trust guys fully but somehow, sometimes, I trusted too much. And I’m the type who doesn’t really like to do something that need to be hidden bcs I know, once I hid something, it IS wrong. )

And I don’t like to be looked at.

SEMESTER I & II

And then, I had crush on my classmate. Let’s name him F.

So, to cut the chase, F and I texted each other too and we’re kind of in flirtatious relationship where both of us knew we liked each other but no one confess.

And F’s friends knows me too. I DM-ed his friends too because his friends is so friendly (I think). but who knows, if they’re laughing at me while I DM-ed them, or while I texted F :) because sometimes, when I DM-ed with Z (F’s friend) somehow, his another friend, A joined. Get what I mean?

Okay, I’ll give example;

*while texting F*

F: *talks abt his cat

Me: blablabla

F: Hi awak

F: dah makan?

F: Sorry, Z hantar

*while DM-ed A*

A: blablabla

A: <3

A: sorry, Z tekan

*while DM-ed Z*

Z: *ask something

Me: *answers

Z: *give pickupline

Z: it’s from F :)

*While DM-ed I(which is also friend of them)*

I: blablabla

I: Nak number

I: Sorry, member buat

I: kuliah kau, classmate kau

(which obvly F and his gang)

Yes, I admit, me in the past were so friendly that anyone can talk to me. ANYONE can text me. That’s how friendly I was. My friend said I was easy to talk to (like anyone can talk to me bcs they knew I’ll entertain them) but what I found in me is;

Cheap.

The guys might think I’m cheap as I DM-ed anyone. I think I’m cheap. I feel like it.

In the end, F got a girlfriend. I was crushed to pieces. I lose the determination to study.

But for some reason, I’m glad it was over. There’ll be no more night that make me remember him instead of Allah. There’ll be no more morning that make me think “what he’ll gonna wear today? Is it red, or blue? Which blue? Dark blue or light blue?”

I’m glad zina hati is over.

Next: What usrah had turn me into <3